I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
