I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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