um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
