this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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