Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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