i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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