return my video game
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
soo... how was my night?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
