Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
