Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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