I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
