Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
