im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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