I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
