Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
