is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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