i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
