Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
