im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
NoShamevember. You game?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
