dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
