just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
