The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
