The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
