Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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