HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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