i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
