Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
