I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Randomize
