I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
