well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
