i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He? As in you personified your dick?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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