She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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