So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
