After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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