A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
