I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
