So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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