Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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