i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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