Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
