My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Floor bacon is actually really good
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
