i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
