You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
