Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
