so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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