I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
