oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
