my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
