if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
