Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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