I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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