What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
