i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
