I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
