you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
